Life Changes

Grief  is the
HARDEST thing in life to me. I have to learn to live without my loving  wife of 30+ years. It is not easy, as many have told me that have faced what I am dealing with now.
It has only been three months but it still feels like it was three heartbeats ago. She was having trouble with renal disease, high blood pressure, being diabetic and also the lost of two sons. Our eldest passed away 3 years ago and our youngest over 27 years ago. I did what I felt was right at the time, but as always thinking back, there was things I could have done better. I do know that she loved me and I loved her. She was my a very strong part of me. Losing your spouse is like being ripped in pieces, not in half, in small chunks. God was right when he said that two become one. Each day is a new challenge of being alone and not able to share in the husband-wife talks during the day. Those arguments that lead to you making up before you fell asleep at night together.
It is hard to get out of my head what I could have done or said to keep her going. But it was and is out of my hands.
    When she cried  or leaned on me that she was tried of the diaylsis and heart-sick for our sons. God told me that I needed to prepare myself for what was coming.
   There is no way to do it. When it happens only God can change it. I wanted my Melba to be well and to come home. God did also. Not my home, God's many mansions was ready for her to choose from.
    So, each day I am learning to accept what I could do and did right. I ask forgiveness for what I did wrong or failed to do. I know that God's love is forgiving much more easier than man's. I know my Melba is also for she forgave me for so many of my faults and fears. 
        One day soon, but not to soon we will know each other again.
    Live as much as I can. Enjoy as much as I can. Celebrate life as much as I can. Love God and my family as much as I can. Only God can give me the strength in my moments(there are many) to deal with with each day to come.

Sunday Afternoon

To take time to teach my granddaughter to ride her bike or take a walk around the block is the best thing in the world to me. To be her jungle-gym and hear her say "this is so much fun". It is what I live for. Any Sunday Fall afternoon  with family should be treasured. But of late we spend to much time away from the peaceful times and to much time on our phone or computer. Have you ever taken the time to look up at a beautiful tree or the sky. To see a sunrise or sunset with your family or love one? Take this Sunday away from the techno world and see the natural world that God made for us to see. Take a Sunday Afternoon walk  and see God's wonder.....

Can't Get Right

It seems that no matter what I pray for or about. It seems never to come out the way I desire or plan. I seem to be caught in this endless cycle of hardship and financial issues. Some of them are of my making, but I feel it is something I am missing. I don't know wish way to turn but to God. I can not rely on anyone anymore. They all have their own issues or preconsived jugements that I just can not deal with. I know that God's word has the answer I seek. So, the only advice I am taking from now on is his.

Life Sure Can Get Twisted

New Year, Same.....

        Can't help thinking about the coming year. Let us all pray that we can work to make things better no matter what those individuals do in Washington.
         They continue to do things to help themselves and the wealthy. Get ready for another stock market blowup and we pay the price for their greed. Prayer and wisdom by us all may save us..they don't want to change. We the People must.
Think about it.....

Our Story

THINK ABOUT IT!
This is something we can all do as a family. During family celebrations this Christmas season, is to have the elders of the family tell a little of their life story and record it. There was a time when I was much younger, my Uncles and father would talk about how things were growing up. If we don't take time to listen, document and record our own life stories. Then someone will tell lies and fabricate our story into his-story(history).

Life is Always HARD

               This is going to be very short . In all my short life, things have never been harder. The death of my eldest son two years ago this week is like it happened yesterday. My youngest son died over 25 years ago and it still brings a certain degree of hurt,. With time all lose becomes less painful but never totally fades away, That is why life is hard,
               Then my daughter is 4 mouths  pregnant and she is making life hard for herself. We have attempted to talk to her and support her. However, the words we say seem to have no positive effect. So, felt don't say nothing. Let her learn the HARD way.
             Then my wife is having to deal with me and the mood that I am in due to the all the above. Life is hard on her because she is on dialysis. We have been dealing with hardship for far to long. At this point I do not have the answers for anyone and I can't get one form myself. That is why I say life is hard.

             But GOD!!!.