A Big Mistake

This is a little different for me to discuss a personal problem in public. I have a situation that I am attempting to solve, but I have been unable to find a solution that will bring about a satisfactory answer. Every thing that I have said or done to this point has made my family angry, upset, and hostile. It seems that what I know to be right for me, and at one time the correct action for my family, has caused me to second guess myself. It has worried me to the point that I notice that I can't talk to my wife or members of my family without raising my voice.

It has come to the point where meditation doesn't seem to be the answer. I thought /felt that my faith in God/Spirit/ Universe to deal with any situation or being able to overcome ant situation, but when someone you love tells you that they are going to die. What do you do? What can you say? How are you suppose to react/act ? They at first was not going to tell me because they felt it would not make any difference. They will never have what they truly want...a house.That they can call their own . It makes me feel that I have failed them.

We live in a apartment building that I inherited from my parents. I own it along with my two older Sisters. One Lives upstairs and has done everything in her power to make my wife and I feel unwelcome. It has gotten so bad that my wife prefers to stay in our bed room 24/7. We have the property up for sale, but the market is not that great. People are losing their homes right and left. It should not take that long to find a home, it just hard to sell this one.

I just should have stayed where I was and waited. This place needed a lot of work. I did paint and clean up the bedrooms , living room and dinning room, but I have not been able to push my self in the past three years we have been here to remodel the kitchen and bathroom. Why? It is because wife is always telling me that she doesn't want to stay.

Sometimes I wonder, is all this my fault, that we have never lived any place nice sense she has been ill. Why did I stop working full time? I did so at the time my wife's kidneys started to fail and she feared being alone. It has been TUFT! Plus the fact that my only daughter has Sickle Cell Disease and she is in and out of the E.R. and /or hospital every few months. In fact she has been going through a hard time of late, to the point she had to leave school.

Then I have to deal with the fact that one sister hates my wife and my wife cares less for my sister. I do understand the reason for all of this is me. I mean the old me. In the pass, I have lied and cheated people, including my family, in an effort to make things easy on me. At that time I thought it was right, I was wrong. It caused a big problem that only in the last five years have they started talking to me again.

But nothing will make her happy until she has her own home, but she wants me to buy it on a part-time income. Crazy! It has gotten so bad that I have migraines most of the day, thinking about what a mistake it was and hearing every word my wife has said the past three years. She will not talk about nothing else! Everyday it has been about what my sister is doing, going to say, going to do this or that.

My wife is so concerned about my sister that she, spends all day thinking of new ideas of what my sister is doing. That we have to talk in whispers, if someone comes by the front door she stops talking, because they will overhear what we say. CRAZY! I can't raise my voice because I talk to loud. It is all about the same thing! I can not have a conversation with my wife about any subject unless we talk about what will my sister thing or say. It is hard for me to be in the same room unless both of us our sleep, or at least my wife is. It is CRRAAAZZZYYYY!!!!!

So what should I do? I have only one solution........ move into my own house. but until we do, I have to deal with situation daily and all I can say to myself is that " This was A BIG MISTAKE!!!!!!!!!!!"