What is

        What is so hard about this time of the year? So many people have lost loveones during this time. I know how many  may feel, for this time is hard for me also. December of 2018, my wife passed. In December of 2015, my eldest son passed. He died on the same date as my father. Also, my only brother died also during this time of the year. So I know.

       When it is the holiday season, the pain is deep. That is why I say it is time to show love and let forgiveness into your life. The hurt may never go totally away, but it will lessen over time.

        So, what is so hard about being able to forgive and show love at this time of the year? 

    We all have lost someone during this time of year. That is why I understand that it is hard for some to think about grace, forgiveness and love during this time of year. But some how family is the focus of this season. I have had troubles and disappointments but love is all I have to get me though this time. In fact, everyday of the year.

What is going to stop you from being with your family or loveones? Please do not let it be something that you know love can conquer. This is the season of love for family.

 What is it like if you have no family or friends, because you or they can't forgive? I know that there are many that are alone and it is painful. So, if you are distant from your family, try to show your love and consider what forgiveness  can bring into your lives. 

Tomorrow is not promised. The next breath or heart beat is not promised.

I was blessed to be forgiven by my father, in fact in I shared his last dinner at the nursing home the night before his transition. I was with my wife as she took her last breath. I was able to kiss my brother the night he passed. Which was something that I never would have done if we didn't love each other.

     What is most important to you? Pride? Ego? Remember, each day, you have  less days ahead of you, as you grow older. Don't waste them on hate or spite. Love is the season. The best gift we can give each other is love and forgiveness.

Jesus says that we should be able to forgive seven time seventy. How many times have someone forgiven you in your life time?

      What is most important to you? The love that you should have for each other or your ego. 

      What is it to be humble? It is to be truly human. Forgiveness brings healing  to you, and those you claim to love. Prove to yourself you can overcome and forgive with love. 

Peace, Love, and Grace to you all.

Keep Moving Forward

Dealing with Life's Issues

    It is hard dealing with all the feelings, emotions and  thoughts that come with grief. It has been nine months since my wife made her transition. I have had some ruff times over the past few months. But more than anything is seeing the effect it has had on my daughter, mother-in-law and grandkids.
    I have been doing my best to be there for all of them. But there are times when I have been in my own world so to speak. I have become depressed and short tempered at times. That is why I know that this going to take along time to learn to live with.
   When my Sons passed in 1996 and 2015, I still feel the lost of them to this day.  I lost a part of me with each. However, with Melba it feels like a very large part of me has been pulled out of me. It is like a part of my soul has been ripped from me. I now understand how my Dad and eldest sister feel.
    We all must deal with issues of life and this is a major part. We all must end this way. Some are better prepared than others (so they think they are). You never truly know until it happens. I know, because I felt God had told me it was coming and I had time to prepare for it. Not so, you never are prepared. It will come only when God says so. Sometimes sooner than later, but very few of us can know when it will take place. I wasn't ready. I felt we had more time to together.
   Melba was in pain due to the lost of our sons and being tried of diaylsis. Plus the past few days she was in physical pain. It was hard for me to see the love of my life like that and not be able to do anything. BUT GOD!
     God knows more than I or anyone, what needed to be done. Her heart was broken and weak to keep her going any longer.
     My daughter is having a very difficult time accepting her Mom's transition. She has to forgive herself and remember the better times in their relationship.
  Melba and I knew that she was going have to deal with this on her own. I did my best to warn her that this will happen. That she will have to learn to live without us at some point. That she needs to learn to be an adult and mother. Do not wait or keep putting off, thinking that Melba and I will  always be here for you to lean on. That it is time for you to get up and do your own living.
   I know that I have to keep moving forward and so does she. My grandkids have to learn the same. We all do, keep moving, step by step.
   What time God grants me, it is to be used wisely. I didn't always do that. Sometime we think that we have plenty of time. My youngest son passed when he was only 4 years old. My eldest son was 33 years old. My lovely wife had just turned 61 a few months before she passed in December 2018.
    We just don't know. But we must live on, must keep going. I know there are people that have lost more than I have. Suffered more than I have. But we all will have to accept death as we go on living. Some of us may deal with it better than others. But keep God in your life. Some may want to or  not care to. Some may not believe or it may help you have a stronger spiritual relationship with God. It is an individual's choice. Just don't attempt to go it alone.
  I l know, tried it and it was the wrong thing to do. I got worse and made life harder for my loveones and myself. We are not meant to go it alone.  It is the wrong thing to do. Let go and let God help you walk this path. Get help. Get out the bed, the house. Take a walk. Look out and look UP!

Is Death the Beginning of Life

In the short time I have lived, I have lost my wife, two sons, a brother, Parents, Uncles, Aunts and a grandfather[only knew one]. I know that there are people that have lost everyone and more. We all will continue to live and die because we are finite. Our spirit may be able to live forever, but this flesh only is designed to last so long. Some people may live a a few heartbeats and take a few breaths. Others will live beyond 100 years. It is all by the grace of God.
   Each one lives as long as they are suppose to, no longer. So why do we fear death? Is it  because we are unable to control the time and place? Is it because what we have read and written over the past few thousand years is suppose to tell us all we need to know about what comes after life. I believe that there is more.
   We are limited because so many of us only know one or two langauges, but much of what has been written or passed down is in a language none of know or have seen. We rely on others to translate and/or interpet what they think they are reading. Some who do this are truthful, but there are those that are not doing this for all of mankind. They desire to control and/or corrupt what little wisdom and knowledge we have been able to save and store.
We only live so long but beyond this place of war, hate and distraction are places that are written about that go beyond this limited plain of experience. So why fear death? This is a short waystation compared to the size of the Universe. Do you think that the creator would only create life on one small planet?
    If you believe God is Omni-all, why do we always put religious limits on something that is beyond our control. If you think about it, is anyone's beliefs above anyone else's.
  For God created all and therefore all is GOD'S! Is hate and evil present only because  man put it into our religious scriptures? No one thought to keep it out because we needed to see both sides of ourselves. God had to show all in order for humankind to mature. We are children. But the Universe is trillions of year old. So who should we trust?
   Which has helped us to act better toward one another? Love or fear? Fear has dominated our humanity. When will we allow love [grace, mercy and forgiveness; etc] to be the foundation of our society?
I have lost more than some, but some have lost more and they refuse to hate and use fear to dominate their lives. Why should you or I? We all have freewill, it is up to each one of us to choose fear or love to be the foundation of our lives.
    I know that I have a long way to go, but I am attempting, with God's help and time to be better. Some of humanity is just getting the idea that God is Omni-all LOVE! Think about it..

Life Changes

Grief  is the
HARDEST thing in life to me. I have to learn to live without my loving  wife of 30+ years. It is not easy, as many have told me that have faced what I am dealing with now.
It has only been three months but it still feels like it was three heartbeats ago. She was having trouble with renal disease, high blood pressure, being diabetic and also the lost of two sons. Our eldest passed away 3 years ago and our youngest over 27 years ago. I did what I felt was right at the time, but as always thinking back, there was things I could have done better. I do know that she loved me and I loved her. She was my a very strong part of me. Losing your spouse is like being ripped in pieces, not in half, in small chunks. God was right when he said that two become one. Each day is a new challenge of being alone and not able to share in the husband-wife talks during the day. Those arguments that lead to you making up before you fell asleep at night together.
It is hard to get out of my head what I could have done or said to keep her going. But it was and is out of my hands.
    When she cried  or leaned on me that she was tried of the diaylsis and heart-sick for our sons. God told me that I needed to prepare myself for what was coming.
   There is no way to do it. When it happens only God can change it. I wanted my Melba to be well and to come home. God did also. Not my home, God's many mansions was ready for her to choose from.
    So, each day I am learning to accept what I could do and did right. I ask forgiveness for what I did wrong or failed to do. I know that God's love is forgiving much more easier than man's. I know my Melba is also for she forgave me for so many of my faults and fears. 
        One day soon, but not to soon we will know each other again.
    Live as much as I can. Enjoy as much as I can. Celebrate life as much as I can. Love God and my family as much as I can. Only God can give me the strength in my moments(there are many) to deal with with each day to come.