Keep Moving Forward

Dealing with Life's Issues

    It is hard dealing with all the feelings, emotions and  thoughts that come with grief. It has been nine months since my wife made her transition. I have had some ruff times over the past few months. But more than anything is seeing the effect it has had on my daughter, mother-in-law and grandkids.
    I have been doing my best to be there for all of them. But there are times when I have been in my own world so to speak. I have become depressed and short tempered at times. That is why I know that this going to take along time to learn to live with.
   When my Sons passed in 1996 and 2015, I still feel the lost of them to this day.  I lost a part of me with each. However, with Melba it feels like a very large part of me has been pulled out of me. It is like a part of my soul has been ripped from me. I now understand how my Dad and eldest sister feel.
    We all must deal with issues of life and this is a major part. We all must end this way. Some are better prepared than others (so they think they are). You never truly know until it happens. I know, because I felt God had told me it was coming and I had time to prepare for it. Not so, you never are prepared. It will come only when God says so. Sometimes sooner than later, but very few of us can know when it will take place. I wasn't ready. I felt we had more time to together.
   Melba was in pain due to the lost of our sons and being tried of diaylsis. Plus the past few days she was in physical pain. It was hard for me to see the love of my life like that and not be able to do anything. BUT GOD!
     God knows more than I or anyone, what needed to be done. Her heart was broken and weak to keep her going any longer.
     My daughter is having a very difficult time accepting her Mom's transition. She has to forgive herself and remember the better times in their relationship.
  Melba and I knew that she was going have to deal with this on her own. I did my best to warn her that this will happen. That she will have to learn to live without us at some point. That she needs to learn to be an adult and mother. Do not wait or keep putting off, thinking that Melba and I will  always be here for you to lean on. That it is time for you to get up and do your own living.
   I know that I have to keep moving forward and so does she. My grandkids have to learn the same. We all do, keep moving, step by step.
   What time God grants me, it is to be used wisely. I didn't always do that. Sometime we think that we have plenty of time. My youngest son passed when he was only 4 years old. My eldest son was 33 years old. My lovely wife had just turned 61 a few months before she passed in December 2018.
    We just don't know. But we must live on, must keep going. I know there are people that have lost more than I have. Suffered more than I have. But we all will have to accept death as we go on living. Some of us may deal with it better than others. But keep God in your life. Some may want to or  not care to. Some may not believe or it may help you have a stronger spiritual relationship with God. It is an individual's choice. Just don't attempt to go it alone.
  I l know, tried it and it was the wrong thing to do. I got worse and made life harder for my loveones and myself. We are not meant to go it alone.  It is the wrong thing to do. Let go and let God help you walk this path. Get help. Get out the bed, the house. Take a walk. Look out and look UP!